The author starts with his tragic personal experience and then details numerous case histories from chapters 1-4 (though he references other cases throughout the book). The author details the common features each of these cases when false accusations of incest and sexual abuse of children suddenly "appear" in Chapter 5 (pg 64-65) include fathers out of the house, allegations were made to government agency who assumes the allegation to be true and finally the father is always the last one to know of the accusations.
The book points out that children in divorcing situations are particularly vulnerable (starting on page 88). The mother wishing to facilitate a divorce with the best of terms and fullest possible custody can suggest, repeatedly ask leading questions or send the child into therapy that creates memories using fantasy. The mere allegation of abuse is treated as proof of guilt. In addition child services and/or police subject the child to more leading questions that infer the possibility of abuse. Anatomically correct dolls are provided over extended periods of time and after suggestive questioning. The ways of subliminally influencing the minds of children in a way that fosters untrue memories of abuse are countless. Using children for such accusations provides immense tactical advantages.
The book also articulates motivations of different parties. In our culture "protecting children" facilitates strong emotional response with huge "payoffs" for involving children in false accusations. The divorcing mother may want the best possible terms in the divorce decree. Therapists profit from customers dependent on them for help and they profit from their expertise in the courtroom for such cases. Child social services want another easy and fast case of abuse that provides evidence of the need for a larger state budget to "save more children." Police would like credit for arresting a person who is a "danger to the children" because, after all, if a man will do this to his own child then no child is safe. Finally prosecutors like false allegations of child sexual abuse because the emotive reaction of juries compensates for the lack of evidence and leads to the highest of conviction rates (over 90%) often with no physical evidence at all! Many have incentives to treat every allegation as true whether true or not.
The final third of the book, and the strongest part of the book, focuses on practical advice for the falsely accused. He encourages father to always do what is best for children and NEVER to harm or speak ill of the mother. The final two chapters of the book are written by lawyers with experience. They both agree: If you are falsely accused of child abuse then all the tripe about innocent until proven guilty is exactly the opposite of what you experience. These successful lawyers indicate that the character and honesty of the witnesses are paramount in any case, like childhood abuse, where evidence is lacking and hearsay often treated as important and even central to a case. In addition to stopping all therapy they think civil action seeking damages from the creator of the false accusations is important (the creator may be a parent, social worker or therapist- the child has been duped to accuse).
This book gave me a new understanding how heartbreaking and traumatic family disintegration is. I had no idea that parents, agencies and other interests use children for self serving ends with little regard for the welfare of the child (often in a manner that traumatizes children). Now I see a different world but this book helps reveal the truth. The truth is that our systems of family support, child advocacy and treatment abuse of allegations need fundamental changes. This book can help many, like me, who were totally unaware of the problem come to a better understanding of the need for immediate and substantial change.
A nice place to start is to assume that anyone accused is innocent until proven guilty. The next step would be seeking out genuine truth despite the lack of profit to the various parties.
=====================================
OTHER REVIEWS of "Ashes to Ashes Families to Dust"
A very important book, for everyone. By Keith McLeod on July 9, 2000
"America went from a scant 3,000 reported incest cases in 1980, to over 132,000 in 1987. And nearly 500,000 by 1990." This quote from the book alone should tell anyone that this is an extremely important and invaluable book. It is a MUST READ, not only for anyone suddenly faced with allegations of child abuse, but all lawyers, judges, social workers and psychologists who work anywhere near this area. Finally, we have guidelines for discerning real abuse charges from false ones, and a template for how to defend against the exploding number of false charges, by a team of experts who have worked this field for 20 years. As these charges are made in civil court, no one should be naive about the fact you are guilty until you go to the large expense of proving yourself innocent. And it is no longer only men caught in this. "Today, there is a growing body of allegations against women."
Powerful and compelling...a must-read! By Richard Fuller
By A Customer on October 7, 1998
"Ashes to Ashes...Families to Dust represents to America the destruction that is incurred by families due to false allegations of child abuse" says author, speaker, consultant and family rights activist, Dean Tong. This reviewer found an eye-opener of a book that exposes the misuse of our child abuse laws.
In the first of four heart-rending case studies, Mr. Tong relates his own personal experience of being (falsely) accused by his wife during their divorce proceedings, of molesting his daughter. Thus began his exploration of this glaring and unfair practice, a nightmare that totally unhinges the accused's life, and all relationships.
During the five years following the false allegations, Mr. Tong spent over $80,000, hired six attorneys, saw five psychologists, took a polygraph test, was subjected to countless psychological tests and lost the custody of his children. This, even though he proved a prima facie case of his innocence and his ex-wife was declared an unfit mother.
The other three case studies are equally gruesome and unfortunate. In his goal to ensure women and children are protected from real abusers, Mr. Tong proceeds to light the path to fairness. He does so, valiantly, by offering his wisdom on how to avoid the situation, and if that is not possible, how to deal with it.
Ashes to Ashes...Families to Dust is a powerful and compelling exposé that is the training manual for the defense. Dean Tong offers sage advice as well as a compendium of family rights organizations, attorneys, case law and even internet on-line resources. In this reviewer's opinion, Ashes to Ashes...Families to Dust is a must-read!
Scary but so true... By Bernadette A. Moyeron June 20, 2000
An excellent book for those falsely accused. In a time where anything a child says is taken as truth it is good to see that Dean Tong found the voice for the falsely accused. Today children know exactly what to say and what to do to get even or back at a parent. Children of divorce are all to often used as weapons against their parents. This book gives attention and detail to the system and the behind the scenes accounting of the process on abuse allegations. Dean Tong gives a voice and manual to the many who are or will be falsely accused. It can happen to anyone, read the book and learn to protect yourself.
One to have on the Coffee Table always!!!! A. Moyeron June 20, 2000
An excellent book for those falsely accused. In a time where anything a child says is taken as truth it is good to see that Dean Tong found the voice for the falsely accused. Today children know exactly what to say and what to do to get even or back at a parent. Children of divorce are all to often used as weapons against their parents. This book gives attention and detail to the system and the behind the scenes accounting of the process on abuse allegations. Dean Tong gives a voice and manual to the many who are or will be falsely accused. It can happen to anyone, read the book and learn to protect yourself.
========================================
INTERESTING QUOTES from "Ashes to Ashes Families to Dust"
Innocence not enough...
"During the course of five years following these allegations I spent over $80,000, hired 6 attorneys, saw 5 psychologists, took polygraph test, took a penile plethysmorgraphy test and was subjected to countless other psychological tests. Although I provided prim facie case of my innocence and my ex-wife was declared an unfit mother, she retains custody of the children."
Page 20
Page 20
Case similarities...
"In all but one case the father had moved ot of the house....
In all cases, the allegations were made to some agency that dealth with social services....
In all cases the accused, the husband, was the last to know anthing was going on."
In all cases studied, the criminal charges of child sexual abuse were dropped or the father was acquitted. However, in all cases, the allegations stood in family court and, based on testimony of social workers and agency-selected therapists, the father was either denied access to his children or provided extremely limited supervised visitation."
Page 64-6
In all cases, the allegations were made to some agency that dealth with social services....
In all cases the accused, the husband, was the last to know anthing was going on."
In all cases studied, the criminal charges of child sexual abuse were dropped or the father was acquitted. However, in all cases, the allegations stood in family court and, based on testimony of social workers and agency-selected therapists, the father was either denied access to his children or provided extremely limited supervised visitation."
Page 64-6
Accused are guilty...
"One of the first realizations you have is that, in spite of the premise upon which our justice system is supposed to be based, when it comes to this allegation, your are assumed guilty. Immediately Period....Rarely is there any support to be found in the community and rarely is there any sympathy for the falsely accused."
Page 68
Page 68
The state...
"The state is paying for her legal fees, evaluation, and therapy fees while you are footing the bill for your attorney costs, child support, and seemingly never ending psychological and psychosexual tests to prove your innocence."
Page 69
Page 69
The Victim...
"Forcing a child to lie, or to accuse a parent whom they love, may well do irreparable harm to the child who is, in all probability, unable to cope with the situation. We recognize that the adult, who has been accused has tremondous difficulty accepting and adjusting to the accusation. Why can't we recognize what the situation is doing to the young child?""
Page 93
Statement of Mary (a child used to make false accusations now an adult)...
Page 93
Statement of Mary (a child used to make false accusations now an adult)...
"I'd had more sex education by the time I was six than you can imagine. With the help of dolls, I could name every part of the body. They (social workers and psychologists) spent all that time talking about it ...."
Page 101
Page 101
Child Accusations...
"Accusations of child sexual abuse are often based on a child's response to an adults question, not to an actual accusation or statement by the child.
Page 113
Page 113
Advice to the accused...
"It is imperative that you develop the ability to control your emotions and project a picture of a calm, caring, cooperative interest. Cooperate with the social workers and child protection workers, while recognizing that their goal is to build a case against you. Displays of bad temper, impatience, or anger will inevitably place you in a poor light and cause negative comparisons of you with the custodial parent. Be congenial but firm.
Be courteous in dealing with prosecutors and judges...."
Page 173
Be courteous in dealing with prosecutors and judges...."
Page 173
Child therapy...
"The biggest favor you can do your children is to obtain a court order preventing any further interviewing of the children and ceasing or preventing therapy. If an allegation has been brought....additional interviews serve only to enforce the child's confusion about or belief in the [false] allegation."
Page 174
Page 174
Hindsight...
"We asked Mary's father [vindicated and found innocent after 4 years of struggle], with 20-20 hindsight, if he would he have handled things differently." "Yes, I would have come out from the gate and destroyed her. Playing by the Marguis of Queensbury rules is not doing your kids any favors....The thing is that it's the kids who take the beating. I, in my misplaced nobility, tried to stay away from going after my ex-wife, hut that's what I should have done."
Page 177
Trial consultant comments...
"When people first heat the hint of the coming allegations their reaction is to disregard them as silly and laugh off the possibility of actually being in trouble. This is the worst mistake, but only the first of several they will make."
Page 199
"People cling to immature beliefs in "truth, justice, and the American way". People often believe they are innocent and everyone will somehow see that the allegations are one big lie. Over the years I have received thousands of letters from people in prison, who violently insist that everyone will just see that they are innocent. I just does not work that way. They stay in prison a very long time. Their bitterness builds. There is no magic cure. There is no "fairy godmother" who will sprinkle fairy dust on you and make it [false allegation] go away."
Page 200
"I can't impress on you enough the importance of acting quickly. The sooner you attack the allegations and demolish them the better it will be for everyone."
"Many people are encouraged to accept a "Nolo Plea". If you are told this is not a Guilty plea you're being lied to. It is a guilty plea, and once you have accepted it you have forever waived any right to appeal.....Over the years I have spoken to hundreds of men in prison who keep crying over the phone to me "but they promised me I wouldn't have to go to jail. One of the men who followed this advice was given a life sentence without the possibility of parole, and since his sentence his lawyer has refused to accept his phone calls."
Page 207
Page 177
Trial consultant comments...
"When people first heat the hint of the coming allegations their reaction is to disregard them as silly and laugh off the possibility of actually being in trouble. This is the worst mistake, but only the first of several they will make."
Page 199
"People cling to immature beliefs in "truth, justice, and the American way". People often believe they are innocent and everyone will somehow see that the allegations are one big lie. Over the years I have received thousands of letters from people in prison, who violently insist that everyone will just see that they are innocent. I just does not work that way. They stay in prison a very long time. Their bitterness builds. There is no magic cure. There is no "fairy godmother" who will sprinkle fairy dust on you and make it [false allegation] go away."
Page 200
"I can't impress on you enough the importance of acting quickly. The sooner you attack the allegations and demolish them the better it will be for everyone."
"Many people are encouraged to accept a "Nolo Plea". If you are told this is not a Guilty plea you're being lied to. It is a guilty plea, and once you have accepted it you have forever waived any right to appeal.....Over the years I have spoken to hundreds of men in prison who keep crying over the phone to me "but they promised me I wouldn't have to go to jail. One of the men who followed this advice was given a life sentence without the possibility of parole, and since his sentence his lawyer has refused to accept his phone calls."
Page 207
If you are the victim of false allegations.....
"Do the following: [Only a sample of the complete listing
Treat the accusation very seriously...
Hire a competent qualified lawyer immediately, one familiar with false allegations of child sexual abuse...
Find the money to defend yourself properly
Immediately retain a civil rights attorney to sue for damages against false allegations...
Do everything possible to halt further interviewing or treatment...
Attempt to require that all further interviews be videotaped
Have an independent psychologist appointed...
Prohibit child interrogation...
Shift the courts focus from alleged conduct of the accused to the psychological functioning of the accuser.
Go immediately on the defensive and demand accountability...
Maintain contact with the alleged victim...
Steadfastly maintain your innocence...
Keep detailed records of everything...
Maintain files of all documents and review them often for inconsistencies
Keep records....
Track records on the calendar...
Obtain evidence admissible in court...affidavits from friends, children, character witnesses
Have reliable witnesses at all meetings...
After all meetings, interviews, phone calls, write to the person with whom you spoke, listing the main points of the discussion
Be careful what you say-it will be used against you
Attempt to ensure that the child is not being coached
Recognize that the social worker is trying to build a case against you, no matter how they try to impress you as being helpful.
Become an activist in family rights and for the rights of the falsely accused
Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made...and apply what you have learned to all future situations.
Upon consent from your attorney, use the media to your advantage.
Page 213-18
"Do the following: [Only a sample of the complete listing
Treat the accusation very seriously...
Hire a competent qualified lawyer immediately, one familiar with false allegations of child sexual abuse...
Find the money to defend yourself properly
Immediately retain a civil rights attorney to sue for damages against false allegations...
Do everything possible to halt further interviewing or treatment...
Attempt to require that all further interviews be videotaped
Have an independent psychologist appointed...
Prohibit child interrogation...
Shift the courts focus from alleged conduct of the accused to the psychological functioning of the accuser.
Go immediately on the defensive and demand accountability...
Maintain contact with the alleged victim...
Steadfastly maintain your innocence...
Keep detailed records of everything...
Maintain files of all documents and review them often for inconsistencies
Keep records....
Track records on the calendar...
Obtain evidence admissible in court...affidavits from friends, children, character witnesses
Have reliable witnesses at all meetings...
After all meetings, interviews, phone calls, write to the person with whom you spoke, listing the main points of the discussion
Be careful what you say-it will be used against you
Attempt to ensure that the child is not being coached
Recognize that the social worker is trying to build a case against you, no matter how they try to impress you as being helpful.
Become an activist in family rights and for the rights of the falsely accused
Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made...and apply what you have learned to all future situations.
Upon consent from your attorney, use the media to your advantage.
Page 213-18
===========================================
No comments:
Post a Comment