Pseudomemories: Personal Story: Debbie

Debbie married as a teenager and that husband abandoned her. She married again and became depressed. A friend, prayer partner and life coach arranged for her to see a doctor to get medication. Then the friend said "These symptoms could be caused by deep problems from your childhood". That friend then helped Debbie recover what were called "repressed memories" (actually false or pseudo memories). Debbie developed reactions to the medication, changed to new medications, had blackouts, experienced body memories and "cut off" anyone who thought the accusations were not real. Years later, after another failed marriage, her "pseudo-memory" friends no longer spent time with her. She stopped the medications and someone gave her a book "True Stories of False Memories". She realized, as the medication fog cleared, that her memories were actually false. Her friends meant well but the memories could not be right and she was ashamed. Slowly she reconnected with her family.

My name is Debbie

I did not set out intentionally to hurt anyone, including my parents. I have had problems with relationships since my teenage years when I married early and that husband abandoned me. I spent about five years moving around and getting into bad relationships. Finally I got married again and thought things would be better but instead I got depressed . A friend then said I needed medication to help me with my depression and she would help me find the root cause of the depression and then I could get off the medication after that and I thought that was great and made sense to me.
My friend began probing, and slowly but surely, I began coming up with vague memories of sexual abuse. As this progressed more memories came, and my diagnosis was changed to Repressed Memory with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I was happy because this meant my depression would go away and I could stop the medication.
I continued to work with my friend life coach for four years. The memories grew more complicated, gruesome, and detailed. My life also continued to get worse at this time. I read all the right books, including The "Crazy Self Healing" book that my life coach friend raved about. I spent most of my time alternating between numb denial of what I was doing and hysterical panic. At several points I was hospitalized with medication reaction issues and began drinking heavily.
My life coach was untrained in dynamic psychotherapy. She viewed me as a fascinating and interesting client. In fact, I was her only client. I was flattered by her attention, and this probably led me to attempt to please her. Pleasing her involved coming up with still more memories of abuse, and working hard in therapy and never doubting her abilities. At some point she grew tired of my dependency, and abruptly terminated therapy. I went into depression again and my husband left me. I was devastated at the time, but it was actually a blessing in disguise because they both supported the false memories.
I have been in therapy for two more years with a woman who makes no effort to decide what my issues are or lead me in any particular direction. Someone sent a book "True Stories of False Memories", and I was very moved by the stories in it. I felt a stirring of recognition. I opened up my mind at that point and came to realize that not only had I been duped, but that I had actively participated in it.
Right now my heart goes out to all innocent persons who have been falsely accused of abuse of any type. I understand why they would be angry, and I think they have a right to their anger. I take full responsibility for the accusations I have made. I have had to struggle daily with my sense of guilt and remorse. It is not an easy process-retracting things you were so sure of at some point. I fervently wish all this had never happened, but since it did, I am now seeking to repair the damage. Rather than reconnect with my parents it would be easier just to go on without them but I know this would be wrong. So this has been a dilemma.
I am truly sorry I allowed myself to be led so easily, and will not allow it to happen again. I am sorry that sexual abuse exists, and I am sorry that people are falsely accused of it. I realize now that false accusations detract from the real needs of sexual abuse victims. I hope that some of this damage can ultimately be repaired.

Editor’s Comment: The writer provides a remarkable insight into how friends and self help therapy books can mislead and damage a person for a life time.

based on a case obtained (3/19/16) from:

http://www.fmsfonline.org/?qmemories=RetractorsOwnStories#jan98
Amy P. was the identification offered by the author.

NOTE: This retraction is a rare example of integrity and courage. Many live with the false memories their entire lives and rob their children of grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Losing contact at a time when the children most benefit from that contact.

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Pseudomemories

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Personal Story: Debbie

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